


Something only we know

by Winglesss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Bunker, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Newly Human Castiel, Porn with Feelings, Secret Relationship, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 22:05:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14318118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winglesss/pseuds/Winglesss
Summary: It´s not easy when Castiel becomes human and it only makes it more complicated when Dean starts visiting his room in secret.





	Something only we know

**Author's Note:**

> I love angst and smut and Destiel is the perfect ship for it. This might be the weirdest thing I´ve written but I loved it from the moment the idea crossed my mind. I hope you´d enjoy it too.  
> This story is canon compliant up to end of season 10, I guess.
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](http://cas-lost-grace.tumblr.com/post/172936083793/something-only-we-know)

When Metatron took Castiel’s grace, he wanted him to live.

The second time Castiel becomes human, it’s much less merciful. He survives, but his vessel- his body- gets severely damaged.

It takes him weeks in a hospital to recover. Weeks in which Dean refuses to leave his side, but pretends he’s not worried sick.

When Castiel’s finally ready to return to the bunker and move back into his room, he feels apprehension. He doesn't know how to be human, vulnerable, not a great asset to the Winchesters.

He’s lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, sleep an unfamiliar concept. The door opens slowly and startled, Castiel looks at the figure framed by the light from the hallway.

"Dean?"

The hunter steps inside and closes the door, not saying a word.

Castiel pushes himself up as Dean walks towards the bed.

"Dean, what’s-" A finger pressed against his lips cuts him off.

The mattress dips as Dean sits down. Castiel stares at him, confused, his heart speeds up for no reason that he understands.

Dean drops his hand from Cas’ mouth and lays it on Cas’ thigh instead. A million questions rush to Castiel’s mind but he doesn’t dare to speak. Dean’s tense like a wild animal and Castiel doesn’t want to scare him off.

Dean’s hand, hot and heavy, travels up Castiel’s tight agonizingly slowly but with determination. He doesn’t stop at the juncture of Cas’ leg but instead presses his palm lightly into Cas’ crotch. He looks at Castiel for the first time since he entered the room.

It takes Cas too long to realize he’s giving him a chance to push him away. Castiel is in no condition to do such a thing. He feels like all the blood from his brain drained and ran into his cock that is stiffening under Dean’s touch.

Dean must notice because he starts to stroke Cas slowly through his pajama pants.

Castiel gasps as he feels his member stir. He grabs Dean’s arm for support because he feels like falling over, but Dean takes it as a sign of protest and withdraws his hand quickly.

Castiel wishes he could talk, but the silence is so heavy he fears that if he opens his mouth instead of words coming out, the silence would get in and suffocate him.

So he plays along and keeps silent, but he gives Dean what he believes is an encouraging nod. He wants Dean’s touch. He wants everything Dean is willing to give him.

To his surprise, Dean doesn’t resume touching him through clothes. He pushes gently at Cas’ shoulder, always giving him space to change his mind.

Castiel gives in and lays back. Dean positions himself between Cas’ spread legs and grabs the waistband of his pants. Castiel holds his breath.

He feels vulnerable but there’s nobody in the whole universe he trusts more than Dean Winchester.

Dean tugs and Cas lifts his hips so Dean can drag his pants all the way down.

He tosses them on the floor. Castiel shivers as the cold air touches his intimate parts, but then Dean’s hand is back. The touch of skin on skin so much more intense that Castiel lets out a startled whimper.

Dean wraps his fingers around Cas’ shaft firmly and starts to stroke in a steady rhythm.

In the dim light of the room Dean’s eyes are almost black, but it’s not an empty blackness of demon’s eyes. Dean’s eyes are filled with lust.

Pleasure shoots through Castiel’s body. He has to bite down on his knuckles to rule the sounds that are coming out of his mouth. His hips buck up and he thrusts into Dean’s hand. Dean’s lips curl minutely into a small smile. It’s like a break in the hard facade through which Cas is able to see the real Dean. He realizes he’s been tense, unsure and confused by Dean’s unexpected behavior but now he relaxes.

Not slowing the movement of his hand, Dean leans down and presses a soft kiss to Cas’ jutting hipbone.

"Please, Dean," Castiel whispers, pleading for more. He doesn’t know what made Dean act like this but he likes it, he wants it all, he wants it now.

Dean’s eyes flutter shut at the sound of his name coming so broken out of Cas’ mouth. His one hand tightens on Cas’ hip, keeping him still and he licks his lips before he closes them around the head of Castiel’s cock.

Cas forgets how to breathe as Dean’s tongue twirls around. Then Dean takes him in deeper.

It’s hot and wet and intense and it makes Cas feel so good, saved, wanted. Ever since he became human and maybe long before he felt out of place.

But now, with his cock in Dean’s mouth, he feels as if something clicked into place. Like he finally belongs into his body, his body that Dean is worshiping so beautifully.

Castiel runs both his hands through Dean’s hair who makes a rumbling sound deep in his throat. Cas can feel the vibration of it and it almost makes him lose his mind.

His whole body tenses and then he’s falling, he’s flying, gliding on the waves of pleasure. He sees stars with his eyes squeezed shut, the stars he saw the birth of aeons ago.

 

Before he comes to himself, he hears the door shut. He opens his eyes. Dean’s gone and Castiel feels cold like he’s lost in space with his Sun too far away.

He curls on his side and wraps himself in a blanket. He’s grateful that sleep grips him soon.

 

Castiel wants to talk about it the next morning. He needs to talk about it because with the daybreak come thoughts. He tries to recall and analyze every minute of the last night’s events. He tries to make sense of it but fails. He only comes up with questions.

Why did Dean come? Why was he so silent? Why did he leave in a hurry? What did it mean for him? For them? Would it change their relationship?

He tries to approach Dean, but he dodges the attempt every time. At least he’s his usual self, loud and vigorous. When Castiel approaches him in the morning, Dean pushes a coffee mug and a plate of fried bacon into his hands and keeps babbling about all the food Cas needs to try since he’s human now. When he finally runs out of words and Cas is about to grab the opportunity to change the topic, they’re interrupted by Sam who comes to talk about a case he found them.

 

Another chance comes in the afternoon. They are waiting in a hospital’s hall while Sam talks to a young doctor about the victim’s injuries.

"Dean, I-"

"Oh look, that’s the woman who found him. Hold that thought," he says patting Cas’ shoulder before he disappears after the woman.

Castiel leans against a wall with a sigh. How could he think that talking feelings with Dean Winchester would be easy?

The rest of the day doesn’t offer an opportunity to talk. There are danger and blood and saved lives at the end. In a way, it’s familiar and comfortable compared to dealing with a human relationship.

He has a half mind to try to talk to Dean when they return to the bunker, but the brothers sit down in the war room with a beer which means it would take some time before Cas could get Dean alone.

He declines the offer to join them and takes a long hot shower instead. Out of all his human experience, he loves showers the most. Well except sex with Dean. He liked that even more. What a shame, he thinks later in his bed, that it was probably a one-time thing.

 When the door opens he’s so startled he jumps off the bed. Dean is standing there just like last night, only tonight he’s dressed in the gray bathrobe he likes so much.

"Dean, good, I wanted to talk to you all day," Castiel says, his heart is beating frantically in his chest but he feels so relieved that they can finally talk.

Dean sidesteps him and walks into the room. Castiel closes the door and turns to Dean just to see the bathrobe falling off his shoulders. Cas’ breath hitches. Dean’s beautiful and Castiel can’t stop his eyes from roaming over the shape of Dean’s broad shoulders, slim waist, and tight ass. In the light of his reading lamp, he sees the freckles covering Dean’s back and the urge to feel his skin is so strong Cas has to bite his lip to rule himself.

"Dean, please, I can’t do this without talking first."

Dean doesn’t respond but he places himself on the bed, like an offering on an altar. Castiel swallows and sits down on the other side of the bed. He already knows he’s too weak to resist.

"Dean, please," he whispers. _Please tell me what this means. Tell me you’re going to come again tomorrow._

He reaches out and tentatively touches Dean’s hip. Dean lets out a breath and closes his eyes. Castiel can feel the tension draining off his body.

If Castiel’s touch is what Dean wants who’s Castiel to refuse? What right does he have to determine conditions? If Dean needs the silence, if he can’t face what he wants outside this room, then it’s fine. Castiel knows how it feels to be told that what he wants, what he feels, is wrong. If Dean can’t or doesn’t want to acknowledge what's going on between them, Castiel isn’t going to push him into something he’s not comfortable with. No matter how much it confuses and hurts him.

Castiel finally moves. He brushes his fingers over Dean’s hip and down his thigh. One leg down and the other up then he follows the same path with his lips. He enjoys the feel of the twitching muscles and the soft hair covering the skin.

Dean’s half hard when Cas takes him in his hand. Cas hasn’t ever touched another man like this. He loves how Dean’s cock fills with blood a physical proof of his interest. After he examines Dean’s cock and sack with his hand he does the same with his lips and tongue licking and nibbling every millimeter.

He loves the little sounds Dean makes, breaking his own rule of silence.

Cas takes him in his mouth as deep as he dares and hollows his cheeks, then starts to bob his head up and down. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but between imitating what Dean’s done to him and studying Dean’s reactions he soon finds out what feels good. When he feels more confident he busies his hands touching Dean’s inner tights and hips. He reaches up to his torso and down to his balls and behind. There’s when Dean gasps and his body gives a little shiver. Castiel keeps his attention there running his finger over the tender skin of Dean’s perineum and brushing over his hole.

Dean’s arms flail and then he’s coming hot and bitter into Castiel’s mouth with a soundless cry.

Castiel swallows every last drop.

When he straightens and looks at Dean he has his arm draped over his face and he’s breathing heavily through open mouth.

Castiel takes him in - flushed and relaxed. He expects him to get up and leave without a glance but at least this time Cas has the taste of him on his tongue as an evidence that it actually happened.

He lays down next to Dean and closes his eyes. He’s hard but doesn’t intend to do anything about it.

A few moments later he hears the door open and close.

 

It doesn’t happen again and Castiel tries really hard to accept it. It’s difficult to give it up now when he knows how it feels.

He didn’t know he wanted this. He wanted to be close to Dean in every way but the physical just wasn’t so evident until now. He also always wanted for Dean to require his feelings, to acknowledge their bond. He wishes that’s what the night visits mean but he doubts it. If only he could read Dean’s mind. If only Dean would talk to him.

Maybe he just wanted to know Castiel’s body was fully functioning. Or he simply needed to get off and Cas was just convenient.

Thoughts like that make Castiel’s chest ache so he tries to stomp them down. He tries to be casual around Dean, but he lacks Dean’s skill in pretending that nothing happened. He knows he’s being grumpy but can’t help it, at least he can blame it on adjusting to being human.

To his surprise, it’s even worse when he’s alone than when he’s in Dean’s presence. Every night he lies in his bed, tense with anticipation, waiting for the door to open. He jerks himself off a few times but while it eases the physical strain, emotionally it only makes him feel worse.

The only thing that helps him keep his mind off Dean is hunting. The Winchesters insist on him only joining on easier hunts at first, but when he proves himself capable even without his grace, they stop holding him back. At least Sam does, Dean is still apparently uncomfortable when Cas gets into dangerous situations. They fight about it a few times and Cas feels a kind of sick satisfaction over it.

Then there’s a case that takes a strain on all of them but mostly on Dean. They manage to save a young girl, but not her sister. When Cas and Sam get to them, it’s too late. She dies in Dean’s arms.

Dean is unusually silent on the way home to Lebanon and he refuses a burger and beer stop that Sam suggests. When they arrive at the bunker, he disappears to his room. Cas stays in the war room with Sam who looks like he needs company. Castiel himself doesn’t like the prospect of being alone either.

That night he’s almost asleep when Dean enters his room. Castiel doesn’t try to talk this time. Of all the feelings that war in him when Dean closes the door behind himself, relief is the strongest. Relief that the thing between them - whatever it is - isn’t over. Relief that Dean is reaching out instead of running to his old unhealthy coping mechanisms. And if Cas is just one of them, then be it.

Cas’ thoughts come to a screeching halt when Dean, after shredding his robe, drops something on the bed and then climbs next to it on his hands and knees.

Castiel’s eyes dart to the tube half-lost in the rumpled sheets and then back to Dean.

His heart beats frantically. He doesn’t have to be told what Dean wants from him, but he can’t help his surprise.

An impatient intake of breath from Dean wakes him up from his shell-shocked state. He remembers Dean’s reaction to Cas’ fingers brushing his hole and he tells himself he shouldn´t be so surprised that Dean wants to be fucked.

He forces himself to move and runs his hand over the curve of Dean’s back and ass, in the dark room pale and smooth like marble. He runs his fingertips through Dean’s cleft and over the puckered skin of his entrance receiving a full body shudder as a response. Without thinking he leans down and follows the same path with his lips and tongue. Dean’s startled gasps make Cas’ cock stir. He uses his tongue like he did when he sucked Dean - exploring and experimenting, taking record of even the smallest of Dean’s reactions.

He withdraws when Dean starts pushing back against his mouth impatiently, grabs the lube and squeezes a generous amount on his fingers.

He always thought this part would be boring, perfunctory, but he actually finds it intimate. He enjoys the way Dean’s body grows accustomed to Cas’ intrusion.

Castiel knows enough about human anatomy and sexual behavior to know what to look for so after a few clumsy attempts he grazes his fingertip over Dean’s prostate. Dean moans - the loudest sound he’s ever made during their secret sessions. Castiel’s blood thrums with arousal but he doesn’t rush it. Only when he’s sure Dean is prepared properly does he withdraw his hand and pushes his pants down. He uses the residual lube on his hand to slick up his cock. It’s hard and sensitive and he bites his lower lip to muffle a groan. He lines up with Dean’s hole and pushes his cockhead against Dean’s rim.

"Dean," he whispers, giving him a chance to change his mind. Instead of an answer, Dean pushes back. Castiel slips in, deliberately slow. Dean makes a sound - a half-swallowed cry and falls on his elbows. He’s hot and tight and Cas keeps pushing deeper and deeper. He can’t believe he’s inside the man he loves, inside the body, he mended together all those years ago.

Overwhelmed by feelings and sensations he falls forward, leaning his face against Dean’s back, wrapping his arms around him.

He presses his lips against Dean’s skin, hot and sweaty. Dean lets out a sight that resembles Castiel’s name.

Castiel starts to move, slow and careful at first, letting them both get used to their connection.

Pleasure surges through him and he lets it take over. His thrusts become harder, faster. He’s taking Dean and giving him what he wants. He wraps his hand around Dean’s cock and lets him push into it.

They move like one. They have been closer only when Castiel reached for Dean’s bare soul and dragged it from hell and Castiel is reminded almost painfully of that experience. It was the moment his life changed and it led to this moment.

Dean’s body clenches around him and he’s coming hard and shivering with muffled cries. Castiel fucks him through his orgasms until he can’t hold on anymore. The tidal wave of his climax blinds him for a moment. If there’s one perk of being human, it’s definitely this.

With a last kiss pressed against Dean’s spine, he pulls out watching a bead of come rolling out of Dean’s hole and down to his balls. Dean collapses on his belly, his back heaving as he gasps for breath. His eyes are squeezed shut, his hands clenched into fists in the bedding.

Castiel wants to embrace him, to pull him as close as he can, to whisper sweet nonsense into his ear, but his experience with Dean and his secret visits stops him.

As expected, a few moments later Dean gathers himself, slips into his robe and out of the room.

Castiel buries himself in the bed smelling of Dean’s body wash and sex.

His body is still buzzing with aftershock but his heart feels hollow.

 

He can’t do this anymore. After giving Dean a few days to come to his room again, Castiel gives up. It hurts more than ever before and his fragile human heart can’t take it. He finds an excuse in some personal matters and leaves the bunker.

When he’s saying goodbye, Dean reminds him to not do anything stupid. They stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Dean’s brimming with unspoken words, Cas’ begging to say something.

Castiel turns with a wave of his hand and heads to his car.

 

It’s good for him to be on his own, out of the Winchesters’ influence.

He realizes how much he picked up from them, their rituals, their way of dealing with things. Now he can find their own ways.

He finds Clair and spends some time with her. It’s awkward at first but eventually, they figure out what they are for each other. He checks on some of the loose ends he left behind, Daphne, Hannah’s vessel Caroline, Nora and others.

He finds himself a few easy cases. He experiments with simple pleasures of human life. His vessel, his _body_ is attractive enough that he wouldn´t have a problem to find a partner, but every time he gets over his lack of social skills and gets personal with someone, he starts to think of Dean and suddenly feels wrong. So he keeps his experiments at food, drinks, music and hot tubs.

Dean calls sometimes to make sure Cas is alright, to inform him about cases he’s working with Sam, to offer help with whatever’s Cas working on. Every time Cas naively hopes for Dean to tell him to come back or at least tell him he misses him. But of course, Dean never does.

He returns home after a little over a month.

The Winchesters give him a warm welcome and they spend a pleasant evening with homemade hot wings and beer talking about the cases they worked while separated.

Castiel retires to his room feeling content, almost happy. He’s slept in better places in the past month, but the bunker truly feels like home.

He only starts changing into PJ’s when he hears the door. He turns around with a start.

The sight of Dean standing in the doorway is less surprising than the fact that he’s still dressed in jeans and flannel. For the first time, he’s entering Cas’ room looking uncertain. He closes the door and looks at Cas with a question in his eyes.

The difference makes something in Castiel snap. In a single long stride, he’s in Dean’s personal space, pushing him against the door.

Dean makes a half-surprised, half-relieved sound when Castiel kisses him hard on the lips. His arms flail a bit before he wraps them around Cas’ shoulders and kisses back.

"Say something," Castiel growls.

"I missed you." It’s barely more than a whisper, but it’s enough.

They wrestle with their clothes while keeping their lips locked.

Castiel pushes Dean down on his bed and straddles him. His breath catches in his throat when he sees Dean’s eyes, wide and bright, looking up at him. It’s as if Dean’s fully present for the first time, he’s bare, all his defenses lowered. Cas kisses him again, slow and thorough as if making up for all the kisses he’s been dreaming of.

The lube Dean’s left behind the last time is in Cas’ nightstand and Cas almost falls off the bed when he reaches for it. It elicits a chuckle from Dean, small and sweet. It makes Cas’ heart ache in an entirely new way.

Dean tries to roll on his belly, but Cas stops him with a hand on his shoulder. Dean doesn’t protest and wraps his legs around Cas’ waist.

"Say it," Castiel growls.

"Fuck me," Dean breathes out, his eyes closed. Castiel waits. Dean opens his eyes, wild and hungry, and this time his voice is firmer. "Fuck me, Cas."

Castiel swallows Dean’s moans as he pushes in.

It’s so different than the first time. It’s a bit rushed but the more passionate, more intense. Castiel thought them deeply connected the first time, but it was out of lack of experience. Now he feels how selfish he’s been, how close off Dean was.

Being able to look Dean in the eyes, with Dean clinging to him as if he is his lifeline, they are like one. If he wasn’t overcome by pleasure, Cas would sob out of the unfamiliar overwhelming feeling that he has what he always wanted, what he always wanted.

He whispers words of sweet praise into Dean’s ear like it’s their secret that Dean is beautiful, that he feels so good, that Cas always wanted this.

Dean moans, not loud enough to be heard in the next room, but enough for Cas to know that Dean feels the same.

They come almost in unison, holding each other tight as if trying to mend together.

They kiss lazily, still connected. Castiel cherishes the moment, suddenly scared that all the happiness filling him to the brim is going to slip between his fingers. That Dean’s going to put his walls back up and pretend this never happened.

But when he eventually pulls out, Dean nuzzles at his neck and settles against his chest.

Castiel’s afraid to even breath, he doesn’t want to scare Dean off, but the hunter doesn’t show any intention to leave, so Castiel just wraps his arms around him and shuts his eyes with a content sigh.

 

It’s the first night Dean stays, but it becomes a habit.

During the day they’re still the same. Almost. Dean is happier and so is Castiel. They spend time together, not just working, but sharing pleasant moments.

He thinks people around them can’t tell the difference, but he feels the shift between them. He can wait until the dark for being able to express his affection in a physical way if he knows it’s reciprocated. And now he knows it is. He sees it in the way Dean looks at him, in the way he smiles, in the accidental brush of their fingers.

Dean visits Castiel’s bedroom every night if they aren’t out on a case. He likes it rough after a tough hunt, but on good days he lets Cas fuck him sweet and slow.

 

And then there’s the case that ruins their routine for weeks.

It’s hard to deal with a single shapeshifter, but when they have an organized group of shapeshifters on their hands even such experienced hunters as the Winchesters and Castiel are barely able to keep their own asses safe not to mention other people.

When the bodies start to pile up, it gets hard to keep focused. Especially for a newly human Cas. He knew guilt and regrets before, but never felt them fully with a human heart. It makes him reckless and he gets hurt which makes Dean angry. He never saw him like that. He manages to snatch a moment alone with Dean and Dean holds him so tight it hurts his battered body, but he doesn’t care. It’s selfish, but Dean’s fierce reaction reassures him about Dean’s feelings towards him.

He doesn’t fully understand it though, not until Dean gets taken. Sam freaks out and Castiel’s the one who needs to keep his mind cool, but it’s hard.

They find him in the apartment of one of the suspects. Beaten and bound but conscious. Sam hurries to him, but Cas stops him. It wouldn’t be the first time the shifter baited them like that.

"Tell me something only I know," he says, looking Dean in the eyes.

Dean frowns. "I killed Death," he says after a moment.

Castiel shakes his head. "Every angel knows that, demons do too, even some hunters, I guess."

Dean shakes his head with an exasperated huff of breath. He clenches his jaw and looks up at Cas.

"Sometimes at night I go to your room and let you fuck me."

Sam barks out a laugh. "What the-"

"It’s him," Castiel says already cutting Dean’s bounds.

They are saved from awkwardness by the shifter barging into the room with a gun in his hand.

 

"Don’t you think I’m not mad at you!" Sam starts when they’re safely in the bunker.

Dean looks positively stricken which makes Cas want to comfort him with a touch but it wouldn’t be the best cause of action right now. "What kind of person do you think I am that you kept something like that from me?" Sam continues, angry. "Don’t you know that I love you? That I want you to be happy and don’t care who you find the happiness with?" Sam’s shaking, his eyes are shiny with unshed tears.

"Sam I-"

"No! Just... I feel so betrayed! What have I ever done to not deserve your trust?"

"Sam!" Castiel interrupts, stepping between the two of them and drawing his attention to himself.

"I don’t think you can judge how hard it is to come out to your family when you’ve never been in that position. You don’t have the right to be so harsh to Dean. The fact that he didn’t tell you has nothing to do with his relationship to you and everything with the society and the conventions it pushes on us."

Sam stares at him with his mouth slack. He turns to Dean and just blinks at him before he drops his head. "I’m sorry."

"It’s okay, Sam," Dean says stepping closer, he puts a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder. Sam wraps him in a bear hug, startling a laugh out of him. "I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me."

Dean closes his eyes and pats Sam on the back. "Let’s not talk about it."

"Yeah, yeah, right," Sam pulls away with a forced smile. "I bet you guys have a lot to talk about too and I’m in a dire need of a shower. See you in the morning." With that, he leaves them alone.

It takes some time before Dean meets Castiel’s eyes.

"I guess this conversation is long overdue," he says rubbing the back of his neck.

"I get if it’s hard for you to put it into words. If this isn’t the right time I can-"

"You have waited long enough and I’m really grateful for that, Cas. I know the way I... approached this wasn’t fair to you."

Castiel wants to protest, but he remembers the first weeks, how terribly he felt, how confused and used.

He feels Dean step into his personal space and looks up.

"I didn’t even know what I was doing the first time," his eyes and voice are soft. "I just needed to make sure that you were alive and okay and when I saw you there it all turned so physical and I just... I don’t know. I think all the pent-up things came out like that."

"Pent-up?" Cas asks, tentatively, scared to be too hopeful.

"I wanted you for years." Dean’s voice drops lower and his lips are so close to Cas’ face that he can feel his breath on his skin. "I think I loved you even longer."

"Dean-" whatever else was about to come out of Cas’ mouth Dean swallows in a gentle kiss.

"But I got scared," Dean continues. "And I thought I kind of forced myself on you so the second time was... I don’t even really know, an opportunity for you to reply. I really didn’t know if you would kick my ass or fuck me or what."

"I’d never hurt you."

Eyes squeezed shut. "I know, Cas. But... sometimes I’d deserve that."

"No." Castiel wraps his arms around Dean’s shoulders.

" I won’t lie that you didn’t hurt me. You did and I was mad at you, but I get it. I can only imagine the war you’ve been fighting inside yourself."

Dean puts his hands on Cas’ waist and leans his head on his shoulder. Cas feels Dean melt against him.

"You’re the best thing that happened to me," he says with a sigh. "I should have known that long ago."

Cas smiles against Dean’s temple. "I’m glad you know it now."

Dean laughs. They kiss.

"No more secrets, I promise," Dean says and his smile is the most beautiful thing Cas has ever seen.

"Well, then there’s something I must tell you."

Dean frowns but gives him a nod of encouragement.

"I love you, Dean. I loved you since I touched your soul in hell, but I needed to become human to fully understand it."

Dean shakes a little when he presses his lips to Castiel’s.

 

They make love sweet and slow that night. Sam might hear them in the next room, but just for this one time, they don’t care.


End file.
